Executive Decision #5

By the power vested in me as the executive, I hereby issue my executive decision:

Four day vacation weekends twice a month? Mandatory.

Executive Decision #4

A friend and I went camping this weekend. And, at night (like when we first arrived), it was fun and a nice environment. A little bug spray and we were fine.

But, the next morning, we were besieged by flies-swarms of flies, buzzing, biting, and invading. It was so miserable, we had to leave.

So, by the power vested in me as the executive, I hereby issue my executive decision:

All flies serve no purpose, and must die, immediately.

Executive Decision #3

It has come by startling realization that a few things need to be made clear.

So, by the power vested in me as the executive, I hereby issue my executive decision:

All "Vanessa's" are stupid, ignorant, and deserve to die (but only after many hours of extreme torture.) All "Marlene's" are fat. All "Shawn's" (or any variation on the spelling of that name) are cute. And finally, all "Eric's" (or variations of that name) are handsome.

Executive Decision #2

The state of drivers and driving is in a shambles. I see more lawlessness on any given trip on a roadway than any other time in life.

So, by the power vested in me as the executive, I hereby issue my executive decision:

The State DMV Drivers' Licensing test should only be given in English, and should be three or more times more difficult. A driving skills test would also be required to show real-life proficiency. Furthermore, these tests should be required of every driver, EVERY year.

Executive Decision #1

Today while driving, I was cut off, almost swerved into, had the brakes slammed on directly in front of me without warning, and I generally felt like I had my life placed into someone else's hand, many times.

And who was doing this to me? It was a man in a giant, 1980s-era Oldsmobile, without a discernible paint color. And this man's most distinctive feature? His "cornrows".
"Cornrows."
Not only is this a stupid-looking hairdo, it's ridiculous and ugly as well.

So, by the power vested in me as the executive, I hereby issue my first executive decision:

People who wear "cornrows" as a hair style, and who drive junky 1980s-era tanks should not be allowed to drive on public roads.

Phew. Got that first one out of the way.

Welcome to ExecutiveDecision.GuyOnTheAir.com!

Sometimes, someone just needs to make a decision, put their foot down, and everyone should just know that that decision is final. Enter ExecutiveDecision.GuyOnTheAir.com. Here, the executive, or "the chief officer having final administrative authority", GuyOnTheAir, will get to make his decisions, or "a conclusion or judgment reached or pronounced".

Now, just a quick note on how GuyOnTheAir's Executive Decision works. The decision is final. If you don't like the decision, explain why in a comment. If you'd like to argue the decision, again, explain with a comment. Is the decision racist, chauvinistic, stereotypical, antipathetic, averse, biased, bigoted, chauvinistic, communist, conservative, contemptuous, dictatorial, disdainful, dogmatic, fanatical, fractious, hateful, illiberal, indignant, individualistic, inflexible, irate, irritable, jaundiced, narrow, narrow-minded, obdurate, one-sided, outraged, racialist, racist, red-neck, short fuse, small-minded, snappy, stuffy, stupid, tilted, uncharitable, unfair, unforbearing, unindulgent, unsympathetic, unwilling, upset, waspish (yes, we got the thesaurus out for this)? Tough luck. That's the perks of being the executive. But, blather mindlessly away about it, anyway, but do it in the comments. Final note: Emails directed to GuyOnTheAir to argue (or even in support) of an executive decision made, will likely go unanswered and unread.